Last night the Girl Child asked me to play dollhouse with her.  I actually dreamed of this day some 6 1/2 years ago when the ultrasound revealed that my second spawn would be female in nature.  I imagined pink dresses, little hair ribbons, baby dolls, and hours of dollhouse playing that stimulated her sense of nurture and desire to grow up into a lovely mother and homemaker.  Those who have the pleasure of personally knowing Girl Child have already choked on their tongues in laughter; but let me go on.  Fast forward to her 3rd Christmas.  The Voice of Reason and I were at Toys R Us picking out gifts for the kids.  We had decided on a dollhouse for Girl Child.  We stood in the pink girlie aisle for way too long before settling on the Loving Family Grand Dollhouse.  It was splendid!  Lots of pink!  A whole family including twin newborns to live inside!  Sweet little furniture!  A real dream house! 

Little did Fisher-Price know that what they manufactured as a dream house could so easily become a house of horrors in the hands of the right little girl.  Erika immediately banished the human toys from the house and filled it with her various animal figures (mostly dogs and horses) made by Schleich.  It is an animal hoarders dream!  The people are usually under her bed in jail, and can come out to take part in the most sinister of games. 

On with last night’s game.  I pleaded to be allowed to bring in the humans.  Afterall the animals need to be cared for.  So we started with a lovely game of veterinarian.  The dogs had lots of ailments, did butt sniffing (Oh yes they did,) and there were a few scuffles between dogs.  I thought the brother doll figure could pick out a puppy to adopt and care for.  He picked the husky puppy.  He picked wrong.  The Girl Child immediately had the dad husky maul the unsuspecting lad.  I cried foul.  Then a horse randomly waltzed into the house and kicked the dog in the head, and then kicked the  Veterinarian.  I declared that maybe I didn’t want to play this kind of game when out of nowhere a rogue cheetah ran in, killed the dog, horse, veterinarian and was about to go after the boy (I was trying to hide the boy under the stairs) but the game ended when the cheetah was taken out by an elephant stampede. 

This is a pretty common version of dollhouse by the standards of the Girl Child.  Complete with maniacal laughter and squeals of delight. 

She might grow up to be a zoo keeper.  Or a veterinarian.  Or a serial killer… It’s anyone’s guess really.


One thought on “Loving Family House of Horrors

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