I haven’t posted in about a week. One reason: PMS. I really like to write when I find something funny, but when I’m suffering from PMS, nothing is funny. Not these 6 pimples, 3 pounds of water weight, aching back, and NOTHING that comes out of my husband’s mouth. The number one thing that is not funny when suffering from the monthly reminder that when I am reincarnated I want to be a man? Girl parts! I am particularly critical of those anatomical parts that are responsible for my suffering, or at least facilitate the horror.
So, top of my list for a good hormonal bashing? Commercials that not-so-subtly make us all think of the hoo-ha; bearded clam, Va-Jay-jay, velvet glove, or as I recently heard, The Chuckie!
Public offender #1: The Schick Quattro commercial http://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=schick+quattro+commercial
This commercial cleverly has women walk past landscaping bushes that miraculously trim up in what we can only imagine relates to their own personal trim jobs in the land down under. I frankly find it disturbing to now constantly wonder what razor acrobatics went into my neighbor’s spiral trimmed topiaries! They missed the perfect opportunity to go way over the top with a woman jogging past a row of bushes that all went completely bare… now that would be something funny, worth writing about!
Public offender #2: Summer’s Eve Hail to the V http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_zJwLZ49zM&feature=channel_video_title
I quote: Men have fought for it… even died for it… Yes, and thank you for reminding us all that we should fear it will become a stinky dirty mess should we not buy your high priced cleaning supplies to defumigate it. They should run these ads back to back with Sunkist Tuna commercials and see if their sales sky rocket. I have two lines that the writers forgot to add: Doctors have warned that it’s a self-cleaning oven, leave it alone! and Didn’t your mother tell you we call them “Privates” for a reason, we don’t want them paraded through our living rooms via television, especially when we are suffering PMS.
I’m pulling an Elvis and shooting out my television screen if these writers ever go to work for a jock-itch cream company!
~~Check back in with me when my hormones return to baseline, until then, I’m the one with fangs, horns, and a pitchfork!