The plague is upon us.  I’m about to go out and paint a big cross on our front door to warn all townspeople of the deadly outbreak within.  Considering the rate of students down and out from our elementary school, the neighborhood may want to consider wearing aromatic flowers in our pockets to ward off these germs.  Not that the practice was effective during the 1600’s, but it would surely lead to a comparable nursery rhyme about the stomach flu of 2012:

Sitting by the toilet / pockets full of violets / urping / urping / we all blow chunks

As a mother, there is an instant mental run-on-sentance that happens when you wake up at 3am to the distinct sounds of a child with the stomach bug:

Oh no, my baby, oh NO NO NO, don’t come into my room, for the LOVE of all go straight to the bathroom, STOP… that sounded like floor, turn on lights and step carefully: cancel all plans today and in two days second child will be sick which means I have about 5 days before it’s MY turn, OH WHAT THE HELL you are IN the bathroom can you please not turn your head to ask for me?  I’m right here, but I can’t get to you because the floor between us is now a hazardous waste site, don’t cry, yes I love you, no you won’t die, and no I will not kiss or cuddle you no matter how sick you feel, I will blow you a kiss from inside my rebreather… please zip up mommy’s hazmat suit?

Now I’m waiting, waiting, waiting.  When will the next wave hit us?  Who will be the next down and out?  What is there to do while holed up in this death house waiting for the inevitable while tending to the fallen?  EAT!  I figure if the boy-child were well he’d be cleaning up the leftover cookies and pizza, so it’s my job to carry out this job for him.  At this point I’d better hope I’m stricken next, or I won’t be able to fit in my pants next week.

Then there is that thought everytime I put something in my mouth; Will this food come back to haunt me later?  So with that in mind, what did I just eat?  Skittles!  Who wouldn’t love a little technicolor emesis… boy does that change the image of their slogan: Taste the Rainbow!

~~Delaney Rhea


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