I knew that I was no longer in the running for “Mother of the Year” but I thought there might be a chance that I was still up for “Worst Mother of the Year” since my kids tell me that daily.
According to two headline stories today, my kids are sadly mistaken, under appreciative, and lack imagination if they think I’ll win the title away from these lunatics.
Here is a mother that has tanned so much that her face now resembles bacon, and apparently she’s now trying to do the same to her 5 year old daughter: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/tanning-booth-mom-says-arrest-taking-daughter-5-153138630.html
This story is technically about bad grandparents, but since this kind of drunken mayhem doesn’t just happen randomly one day, I’m still blaming the parents for leaving the girl with Grammy and Gramps while they were on a bender: http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/weird/Grandparents-Use-SUV-To-Pull-Girl-In-Toy-Car-Sheriffs-Office-149557695.html
In other bad parenting news, I haven’t seen the rabbit who may or may not have given birth in my flower pot since the day she was nesting. I did find out online (and you have to believe everything you read) that mother bunnies only visit their babies 5 minutes at dawn and again at dusk to nurse **Why didn’t I choose rabbit for this life?** So I strategically placed twigs over the nest so I can tell if they are moved tomorrow. It’s a booby-trap even PETA can approve.
I’ve just about come to terms with a mild afterbirth taste to the mint in my Mojitos, but dead baby bunny flavor is just uncivilized! We’ve already lived through a batch of squirrel babies born inside our grill a few years back. The husband said he could just burn off any remaining ickiness, but I could never stomach eating burgers cooked where something gave birth, so we replaced it. Come on nature, this is my deck; not a wildlife documentary!