Valentine’s Day, like most holidays, is a time for Hallmark to make a crap-ton of money and for couples everwhere to break up over hurt feelings that it wasn’t the “BEST MOST ROMANTIC” day ever.  But maybe I’m cynical.

Around here, we tend to celebrate ourselves on our anniversary and Valentine’s Day is more about the kids.  They get into the spirit of it, or, they love candy and chocolate!

This is Boy-child’s last year in elementary school.  His last Valentine’s party!  (Friendship Party as the school calls it now, to avoid promoting pre-pubescent dating.)   He was on the fence as to whether or not he’d outgrown the practice of passing out cutesy Valentine cards.  Last year he had the same dilemma, so I came up with a good alternative.  I bought a bunch of Pop Rock candy and we added a label to each saying, “Valentine, you ROCK!”  Fun… manly… WIN!

This year I came up with an even better idea.  I came across bacon lollipops online.  I thought he could add this to them, “Valentine, don’t go BACON my heart!”  Even funnier, still manly because it’s bacon!  SCORE!

I didn’t really think through the price, I was just euphoric on my good idea.  It wasn’t until I finished the order that I realized with shipping this total purchase was $32.50.   For kid’s valentines?!?  WHAT was I thinking?  It would be cleverly worth it.

Until the lollipops came in the mail.

It turns out the wrappers had a little different name on them than the generic, Bacon Lollipops, that was on the website.

Man bait


MAN BAIT?????  I’m going to send my eleven-year-old son to school with candy that says, “Man Bait” all over it?!?  That’s appropriate for getting your child expelled and having 25 angry phone calls from parents.

I might as well order this for when the angry mob of parents and school officials catches me:

bacon coffin


So I ran out and grabbed the $5 box of Fun Dip Valentine’s that are neither fun, nor clever, nor all that cool for a fifth grade boy to give out.

But, I have $32 worth of bait on hand if you are in the market to catch yourself a man!

It’s always maniacal in this menagerie!



One thought on “Valentine’s Day: The one in which the Maniac almost gets her son expelled!

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