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A horse is a Horse… of course, unless it’s a kazoo…

“Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys…”

Little did I know how much that song from my childhood would ring true later in life as I raise my own children.  I should have known better.  I should have listened to the warnings of others who had been down that road before me.

They are like Pied Pipers, leading our daughters away.

More addictive than heroin.

More magical than Mickey Mouse farting a rainbow.

They are… HORSES.

For the sake of your time and your wallet, listen to me. LISTEN WELL:  Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let your daughters anywhere near horses.  If you can, find somewhere that you can take your daughters and let them get bitten by horses.  Stepped on.  Tell them that horses steal children’s souls in the night.

The kazoo!  Why didn’t she fall in love with a kazoo?!?  It fits in your pocket.  No trailer hauling fees.  A kazoo can stay on a table, or a drawer.  No stable boarding fees.  A kazoo doesn’t eat.  Do you know how much it costs monthly to feed a horse?  No?  Well, you thought I was being mean when I said to let a horse bite your babies.  Go look it up.  That bite seems pretty cheap and like good advice now doesn’t it?

Kazoos don’t need their hooves cared for.  They don’t need worming, teeth floating, and they don’t hurt their legs.

It doesn’t require hundreds to thousands of dollars of special outfits and equipment to play the kazoo.

If something suddenly scary happens, you drop the kazoo, not the other way around.

But, a kazoo doesn’t teach your daughter work ethic or responsibility.

Handling a kazoo won’t give your daughter the confidence to stand up to adversaries (and boys) the way being able to handle and control a half-ton horse can.

A kazoo will never bond with your daughter or trust your daughter. A Kazoo will never look at your daughter with big loving eyes and nuzzle her, wanting attention and giving her everything her heart and soul needs to be filled to the brim with love, confidence, and joy.

Damn you kazoo!  Damn you horse!

Bless you sweet daughter…

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