I was talking to a friend recently. She was telling me an embarrassing and maddening tale of a family member who thought it was helpful and appropriate to send her “Belly Fat Reduction” hints, tips, and product suggestions via email.
She was bravely cycling through feeling angry, hurt, and laughing about the brash rudeness of this family member.
My friend is amazing. She is funny, kind, dedicated to her family, a great mother, a fantastic wife (maybe a sickeningly in love wife, but I try to forgive), she is always giving of her time and talents to the people around her. This is a beautiful woman inside and out. Why would this family member be focused one small piece of this person’s life that has little to no substantial meaning? Does my friend have belly fat? Yes of course, she’s a mother and in her forties. You know what else? My friend is beautiful. She has the best smile. Her eyes dance when she is laughing. She has a little happy “bounce” in her step when she’s excited about living life. She is also fit and strong. She is much handier around the house than I am!
Belly fat isn’t what is in question here. What is being questioned is why would someone overlook a long list of positives and focus on a perceived weakness to point out? How can a person have their eyes so blind to the good that they will allow something as superficial as weight overshadow the genuine glowing love that embodies this person?
My husband is losing his hair. Faster now that we are in our forties. I don’t really think about it but it came up in a conversation and the other person said, “Oh, yeah, I guess he is. I just never think about it. I don’t notice it. It’s just part of who he is and I don’t really see that.” That makes sense. My husband is an amazing man (he puts up with me after all) and this person knows and sees him for it, not a superficial focus on a meaningless trait.
How can some people see inside a person and look at their heart and soul while others are stuck on the surface looking for things to condemn or belittle?
I call it “God Goggles.” I tell my children all the time that God sees who we are on the inside, not what we look like or the clothes we wear. God created us in all different colors, genders, races, and sizes. What makes us wonderful and special is who we are on the inside, not what we show off on the outside. It’s all too easy for humans to be hindered by their fragile ego and look for shallow reasons to judge and feel superior. It takes a lot more work to calm the ego and focus on our own internal strengths. Because, as long as we are only focused on our own superficial flaunts or flaws, that is all we will see in others.
The next time I am tempted to see only external beauty I am going to quietly ask to borrow God’s Goggles. I’m going to try to use them to look first into my own heart before looking at others. Through God’s Goggles I want to find where love is, and nurture it. I will also see where spite and bitterness are hiding and hopefully pluck them out like weeds.
Before you feel the need to comment on a person’s weight, or lack thereof, or their hair, clothes, car, makeup, etc., please consider asking to borrow those goggles. Wouldn’t the world look different if all we saw was what is truly hiding inside.
My friend knows this. She is strong enough to withstand the ridiculousness of others, beautiful enough to not look for validation on a scale, and she has the kind of infectiously precious life energy that is a blessing to be around.
As for her family member; I will wish for her to find, and try on, those goggles… she may just be surprised by what she finds within herself.
Give it a try, borrow those goggles!