Dear Ed Sheeran,
You don’t know me. You should, but that’s not the point right now. I ‘ve been enjoying your song, “Don’t” on the radio. Here’s what I’ve learned: DON’T f*** with Ed Sheeran. He will write a song about it that will make you writhe in agony over your sins. Writhe. Agony. But, since its not about me, I enjoy the tune quite a bit.
It makes me think of another love-burnt song writer by the name of Taylor Swift.
After a short amount of internet detective work (everything on the internet is true) I’ve surmised the following: You and Taylor are friends (the plutonic kind,) you and Taylor have similar taste in up-and-coming hottie musicians, and you and Taylor have both felt the magma of betrayal on your hearts that you’ve turned into money making musical hits.
I am ready to set you both straight.
You, Ed Sheeran, and Taylor Swift should marry. Yes. Really. Go for the friend. Stop looking for the blazing fire romance and realize that your go-to confidant is the one you should be with.
Excitement, drama, lust, and maybe a little ‘pixie dust’ are all fabulous in your 20’s. But seriously, those are also a recipe for emotional tragedy that makes the Titanic seem like a minor slip-up.
You and Taylor are talented, damaged, funny, and cute. Just imagine your fair-skinned, ginger-haired, musically prodigious offspring.
On the flip-side, if your relationship goes south, and they all do in Hollywood, imagine the publicity fodder from your competing albums. You could each write songs about the other in the form of a Lincoln- Douglas Debate, complete with rebuttals! It could be a reality series. A cross between Survivor and The Voice. You could face off with your angry, angst-ridden, break-up songs that will fuel a new generation of young dater-haters. You might even top Alanis Morissette’s, “You Ought to Know.”
In the meantime, I will be enjoying the fruits of your misery. Do me a favor, pick another flakey fling to burn your heart soon. You write good stuff when you are mad.